Our University is better than the rest,
Nobody else gives a BS in BS.
Sign up today if you want a BA
In drunken spelunking or mold macramé.
We have minors in minors and study abroad
In seventeen countries, depending on which
The broad is residing, you may have your wish.
If self-designed majors are truly your thing,
A list is on show in the Registrar’s wing.
Old women’s studies and shoe engineering,
Moby Dick quoting and buffalo spearing,
Intensive geography of northern Pawtucket,
Psychological profiles of men in a bucket,
Deficit spending and subway embarking,
Hob-nobbing, schmoozing and SUV parking,
And then for the wildly ambitious who seek it,
A major in English, we’ll learn you to speak it!
As for the dorms, no one’s are greater,
For each room’s equipped with its own Keg-erator.
All of our grads are just pickled with joy,
And each finds success in his own employ.
Our University is better than the rest.
Hail University U., the scourge of the west!