Disclaimer: This is a metaphor. Please do not take it literally.
The most recent version of my query letter follows, and I'm open to any advice or criticism. Please!
Dear Fabulous Agent,
What happens when we grow complacent with our freedoms? We give them away; we pass the Save the Children Bills and give The Matrons the authority to search any home in which a child resides to extract banned books, videos and games. The generation that should remember McCarthy and The Hollywood Ten brought us wreckage at Brooklyn College. Let’s see if the next generation can do better.
In the 71,000 word young adult novel The Haven, Gavin Beckett, age twelve, enters prime society as the push for the Save the Children Campaign begins. At first he is enticed by the underground society’s spectacle and privilege. The Haven is a society for people with paranormal abilities who guide the country, believing that their goals are altruistic. As Gavin and his cohorts learn of The Haven’s power over “ward” government and their despotic plans, they scheme to stop them.
I have enclosed a brief synopsis, the first ten pages and a SASE. I hope that The Haven suits your interests in (fill in the blank). Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.
Thanks in advance. RE: Brooklyn College: http://plancensored.blogspot.com/2006/05/students-shocked-by-brooklyn-colleges.html
Dear Fabulous Agent,
I hope you will consider reading my manuscript, The Haven, a 71,000 word, young adult Orwellian fantasy. I learned of your agency from the Publisher’s Marketplace website, and I am very excited about the prospect of working with you.
Protagonist Gavin Beckett leaves the doldrums when a recruiter pulls him out of seventh grade to join East 42, the training grounds for the vast, underground network called the Haven. The Haven is a society for people with paranormal abilities who guide the country, believing that their goals are altruistic. Gavin inadvertently astral projects into a high security area of the Haven, and falls under the scrutiny of their leaders. As the Haven initiates a campaign for censorship and societal oppression, Gavin and his cohorts scheme to stop them.
My biography is brief: I graduated from .... University with a BA in English and a minor in writing. My credits include publication in Insanity’s Horse and Helvidius. My goals are to write a sequel to The Haven, collaborate on a screenplay, and engage in further fiction projects.
A synopsis and SASE follow. Thank you for your time and consideration.